Val Attempts a Drive-By Do-Gooding

On the way home from town Monday evening, I rounded the first sharp curve on our county blacktop road, and saw an unusual sight. It was at the log cabin house, first one on the left. The lady who lives there was standing just off the road, hands on hips. Her red riding lawnmower was in the ditch.

Well. That's a predicament. If it was working, she wouldn't be standing behind it. The nose was pointed up into her yard, but the back tires were in the ditch. Like it was stuck, or couldn't power itself up the little hill on the other side of the ditch. It was the edge of her yard, about 100 feet from her house.

Of course I stopped. I didn't know how I could help, but I wanted to make sure she was okay. At least I had a cell phone, in case she didn't have hers with her, and didn't want to leave the mower there at the edge of the road to go inside the house. I put T-Hoe's window down. The lawnmower was RUNNING!

"I'm pretty sure I can't help you with this, but is there anything I can do?"

"Thank you, but my husband is on the way."

"Okay, I just wanted to see if you needed anything I could do."

"Thank you for stopping."

If she didn't have her husband coming to her rescue, my plan was to call Hick, who was home when I left, a mere three miles away. Hick would have known what to do. I figured he could bring a chain and pull out the riding mower with SilverRedO. Either by driving into her yard to pull it forward, or backward out onto the pavement where she could ride it back to her driveway.

I was of no help to that lady, but it's the thought that counts. Right?

Karma Dishes Up a Stinging Rebuke for Hick

Remember when Hick was possibly trying to "accidentally" kill Val under the guise of a buddy coming out to hunt squirrels? Supposedly he came out once, but I didn't see him, or hear any shots. I know I asked Hick how the guy could hunt with the dogs following him down into the woods. Hick said they wouldn't, but you know how dogs are. They love barking at strangers, but will then follow them around in case a kind word might come their way. Our dogs, anyway. Not the mailman-chasing dogs in town.

Anyhoo...I didn't know until 4:30 on Sunday that Squirrelly was coming out to hunt.

"Oh. Well..."

"He ain't gonna shoot you, Val! He's gonna set up some feeders down by the cabin."

"I'm going to town. Will he park in my way?"

"No. I'll meet him and tell him. He's supposed to be here in a few minutes."

I went on to town. I had gotten Hick's supper partially ready. Since my rumpus/leg shooting pain, Hick has not been catered-to as he is accustomed. Now that I'm feeling better, I've got preparations under control again, trying to use up food in FRIG II's freezer. Earlier that day, I had made some frozen Orange Chicken. I didn't have any rice, but Hick agreed to have just the MEAT, with Sister Schubert's Rolls on the side. He didn't want anything else. Only meat and bread. I had thawed the rolls, and knew I'd have the 20 minutes needed to bake them before Big Brother came on at 7:00. And maybe time to scratch my lottery tickets, too. I'd need to get started scratching by 6:00. Crosswords take a long time.

Hick appeared on the side porch when I came out of the garage at 5:30. Not to help me in case I had groceries!

"My buddy still ain't here. I come out to wait for him."

"But I'm putting the rolls in the oven! Your supper will be ready at 6:00."

"He should be here. But in case he ain't, just wait and I'll warm up the chicken."

"Okay. But I'm doing those rolls now. They're already thawed. If I'd known this, I would have gone ahead and made the rolls earlier, too, since they'll be cold now anyway. That would give me 20 more minutes for my tickets."

"It'll be fine. I don't mind."

So much for trying to cater to Hick with a recovering bum rumpus!

Anyhoo... I went on about my business. Started watching Big Brother at 7:00. Still no Hick, who came in at 7:30, and warmed his own supper. At commercials, I found out more info.

"Won't deer get into the food in those feeders? Isn't that illegal to set up feeders for deer?"

"He's using corn, so yes, the deer will eat it. It ain't illegal if you don't shoot the deer. And you're supposed to take the feeders down before deer season."

"The squirrels will probably just stay on our porch, eating the dog food."

"I bet they'll like corn better. Them dang hornets! We got into a nest of them. I got stung on the back of my arm, and my chest. Squirrelly got stung about 30 times!"

"Oh, no! I hope he's okay!"

"He was okay when he left. He ain't allergic or nothin'."

"That he knows of! I guess that's why we have homeowner's insurance and an umbrella policy. But I really hope he doesn't have some kind of reaction to so many stings."

Hick messed up my supper plans, and created evidence to support a claim of a squirrel hunter on the grounds, just in case something happens to Val. For his trouble, he had to make his own supper, and received a painful admonishment from Mother Nature.

You know what they say: Karma is a venomous insect.

Val Wishes Hick Would Have Spread Himself a Little Thicker

Oh, no! I'm having that urge again. I unfortunately took a look at real estate postings Saturday night. NOOOO!!! There were two houses on there, listed within the last 12 hours, for the low, low prices of $49,900 and $45,000. That's flip house pricing, you know! 

One looked really, really decent. Except for a rectangular hole cut down through the floor of the second bathroom, down to the dirt under the joists. Hick knows how to fix that. How to level a foundation and put in new floor joists. The rest of the house had flooring and paint and was in pretty good shape, like somebody was renovating it, and was ready to call it quits. Perhaps over the floor issue.

The other house was in Sis-Town, where we are currently displeased with city government. Also, it was completely trashed. Which sometimes Hick sees as a positive, saying, "Oh, it's already gutted." He's such a Pollyanna. 

As much as I'd like to jump right into another flip right now, so Hick will have a project for the winter, I must restrain myself. If only Hick had Bargain House done, as he'd boasted he would by the end of June, we could easily have it listed, and snap up the nicer of these two before they are gone. That's not happening, because Hick has too many irons in the blazing conflagration that is his life.

I told The Pony, who also mourned the loss of this opportunity. It's been forever since we came across such a bargain. Well, maybe not forever, but at least eight months.

Maybe another house will come along. Everything happens for a reason.

Hick Does the Post Office No Favors

About a month ago, Hick ordered two identical items to use to display merchandise in his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5). They were revolving racks. He saw them on eBay and asked me to order them. It's been so long that he used his account that we didn't have the password, so used the GUEST option to order. The email address was still the same as when Hick used his account. 

Anyhoo... Hick received ONE of the items. When he picked it up at the Backroads post office, he told the clerk there should be TWO. She said they had no record of two. Hick even went back that afternoon, to ask again. She said sometimes items get separated if the seller doesn't use separate shipping numbers. That there should have been two numbers, or the items should have been taped together. The Pony agreed. Said that sometimes a seller tries to ship cheaper, and only use one tracking number and label, and that indeed they should have been taped together. That there's no way to track the other item, and good luck finding it. The Pony was not hopeful. Nor was I.

Anyhoo... after contacting the seller and eBay, with numbers and complaints, the case dragged on, and Hick was denied refund or replacement. We'll never order anything again on eBay, though there were never any problems in the past.

But this isn't about Hick getting cheated on eBay by a seller or post office thief. It's about VAL!!!

I don't ask for much. Just for T-Hoe to work, scratchers to scratch, an occasional trip to the casino, and for Hick to do my bidding. But this week, I wanted MORE! I ordered a book from Amazon. As you probably know, Amazon uses the USPS to ship their items. It is NOT a good deal for the post office.

Anyhoo... we have those four parcel lockers down on Mailbox Row. There's where most of our packages go, because they don't fit in our cylindrical mailbox made of steel. Hick's eBay items wouldn't fit in a locker, so he got the orange postcard thingy to pick it up at the post office.

My book was supposed to arrive on Thursday. I told Hick to make sure and look in our mailbox for a key to a parcel locker. Yet Hick came home with nothing. Not even regular mail. I asked him about my book, but he said there was nothing in the mailbox. He even went out on the porch that evening, to see if UPS or FedEx had left a package. No. Amazon uses the USPS.

Of course I interrogated quizzed asked Hick for more details. And he swore that he had looked for a key, but nothing was in the mailbox. Even though I said there had been one parcel locker without a key in the lock when I left for town at 4:30. Which means three people had picked up their packages already, but one locker had something in it. Hick said,

"Who knows WHERE your book is? The post office probably stole it like my display rack."

Friday, when I got back on HIPPIE, I checked the tracking of my book. It had been delivered on THURSDAY, the day it was due to arrive, to a PARCEL LOCKER.

I called Hick, who was shooting the bull with his cronies. 

"Can they hear me? They are going to know you are in trouble! My book was delivered yesterday to a PARCEL LOCKER. You just didn't check."

"Huh. It might have got there after I stopped."

"That wouldn't fit with the others being empty, and one with something in it."

"I don't know. I'll check when I come home."

"You are in trouble. Go stand in the corner for five minutes!

I passed Hick on my way to town. When I got back, my book package was on the kitchen table. 

"There was a key with the mail! In fact, it was under the rubber band that held the mail together."

"That's because you didn't use it when they left it! So they wanted to make sure you saw it, because they need that locker for other packages! They hate it when people don't pick up their mail."

Hick denies responsibility. The Pony agrees with my scenario.

Hopefully an End to the AC Saga

Remember that elderly who called Hick about her air conditioner not working? That was on August 10. A couple of times, I asked Hick if he got her air conditioner fixed. NO! All this time, I should have been worrying more about that old lady! It's been REALLY hot, until a couple days ago, when the humidity lessened, and temps "only" rose into the 80s.

Also, I misunderstood Hick. Can you imagine that? With his unique communication style? When he pointed out to AC Elderly that he couldn't fix an air conditioner, I thought he was actually going to call a contractor to do it. He said he had told her, "I'll have to try and find one." I thought Hick meant a technician. What he was actually talking about was an AIR CONDITIONER.

Here's the thing. Those apartments are in an old brick building on Main Street. The only parts that are air conditioned are the common areas, not each individual apartment. Residents are responsible for getting their own air conditioners, unless somebody who moved out had left one behind. Hick said there was one sitting in his office, and he gave it to AC Elderly. Then it broke down.

Hick said he told AC Elderly that he'd see if there was another one, but there wasn't. Anyhoo... AC Elderly called Hick on Wednesday, and said, "If I buy one, can you put it in for me?" And Hick told her, "Yeah. I can put it in."

Thursday, Hick put in the air conditioner. I am so relieved! Though sad she had to wait so long. Hick said she was fine. "She's been sitting downstairs, where it's cool. She likes to watch the traffic go by."

"That's not like being comfortable in your own apartment!"

"No. But we never had air conditioning when we was kids, and we didn't even notice it."

"Because we were always outside playing! Not elderlies who can't get around! My grandma and grandpa used to sleep outside in the summer, on their lounge chairs. This old lady can't do that!"

"She's fine. She happy that I put in her air conditioner."

That's probably not part of Hick's job, either.

People Sure Expect a Lot for a Job That Pays Less Than $300 a Month

Wednesday night around 6:50, Hick's phone rang. The thought in MY mind was: "What fresh Not-Heaven is this?" I heard Hick's end of the conversation.

"This is him. Uh huh. Well, yeah. I'm just sittin' here watchin' TV."

At first I thought it might be The Veteran. Or one of Hick's cronies. Then not.

"I can do that. Tomorrow. I'll be there around 10:30. Yeah. I'll just get a ladder. Oh, and if you get locked out, there's a lockbox on the front and back doors. There's a key in it to get in. Then just put the key back in the box. The number for it is XXXX."

Clearly, it was some elderly with a predicament.

"Which elderly girlfriend was that?"

"It was Name Name. She don't live there. Her dad does, but he's been in the hospital. She said her and her sister went by to do some cleaning, and she was trying to put up a smoke detector. But she was standing on a stool, and almost fell off. So I told her I'd fix it tomorrow."

So now even people who don't live there call Hick for help! You'd think it was something that might have waited until regular business hours. It's not like the old man was going to be there overnight. I'm not sure on the details because, well, you know Hick's communication style. Surely there would be smoke detectors in every apartment and common area. Maybe that gal was just replacing a battery. And why did she ask Hick what he was doing? Is that her business? Did she think he would slap a flashing light on top of SilverRedO and speed over to catch her falling off a stool?

Hick said last week that one of the old ladies at lunch was complaining about apartment stuff, and he told her, "You know, I only make less than $300 a month for doing this job. I have other projects to work on that are more important than some of this stuff you keep asking me to do."

She said, "EWW! Why would you take a job like that?"

Hick said, "Because I want to help all of you to have a safe place to live."

Maybe she'll spread the word. What else do the elderlies have to do besides gossip? 

Well. And call Hick... 

A Productive Day 2 for the Bargain House Bathroom

Hick continued work on the Bargain House bathroom on Wednesday. The picture he sent said, "Half drywall up."

That's the special blue board used for bathrooms or damp areas. Looks like Hick has the drain and water ready to connect when he puts the new toilet in place. The sink will be where the fan is sitting, with a mirror over it. Hick can't put the new medicine cabinet above the sink, due to the low ceiling. The doors won't open when he installs the new light he got for FREE with the lumber and two doors he got from that storage unit crony. The medicine cabinet will go in that hole in the wall.

Here's an old picture again:

Hick also put the bathroom door on later in the afternoon. He and Old Buddy work three hours a day, and Hick does more sometimes before coming home, if it's a one-man job. 

Anyhoo... he was home by 2:00, so I'd say he's made a lot of progress this week so far, considering the man-hours that went into it.