Dumb Man Walking

To understand a Hick conversation, you have to be a little bit psychic. Sometimes, my "shine" is not at the level of Danny Torrance (any Stephen King readers get my drift?).

Tuesday evening, Hick started rattling on about something while I was making his supper of shell noodles with red sauce. I could hear him, but didn't have a clue what was going on.

"You'll never believe what Nick did today. He was out walking on U Highway, and headed for P highway. He had dropped his car off and they wouldn't give him a ride. So he was WALKING!"

Let the record show that Hick has several buddies named Nick. And that the most recent mention of a Nick was last week, when a Nick died. I was pretty sure that wasn't the Nick in Hick's tale, but there's also a Nick that is a regular at Hick's SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5), and a Nick that lives out here on our gravel road.

"I have no idea who you're talking about."

"Nick! He was going to walk home! All the way to Nowhere! I would have just not left my car! They could do it another time, when I knew I had a ride. But that dummy left his car there anyway, and was going to walk home! He said it's 26 miles."

"Wait! I STILL don't know who you're talking about!"

"Nick! From Nick and Bev. Our old neighbors that I was going out to Nowhere today to work on the front door I put on for them. Bev said it didn't work."

"Oh. That totally does not surprise me in the least, now that I know which Nick you're talking about. They're crazy! But how did you know about it? I guess he didn't call Bev to come get him, because he knew she wouldn't leave the house..."

"She wouldn't of left the house. But he tried to call her and couldn't get her. Reception is terrible out there. I've told you that all along. You can't call me or text me there. But Nick was lucky. He called me, and I was still in range. Another mile, and I wouldn't have been. He said he was walking along U highway, and if we saw him to pick him up. So I turned around and drove to find him, and gave him a ride. He'd already gone 6 miles! It took me about 10 minutes to get to him, and then 10 minutes backtracking to where I'd been."

"Well, that's good you could give him a ride."

"I cain't believe he thought he was going to walk that whole way. Bev even asked him why he was getting his car serviced there, instead of up by where he works."

"And she's crazier than he is! But had more sense. What if he'd tried to walk from where he works? That's at least another 30 miles!"

"I don't know. Nothin' they do makes sense. I thought she was probably just not understanding how the door works, but it actually had a broken part. So now I have to get that fixed."

I suppose Hick the savior was in the right place at the right time for Nick. Those 2-lane blacktop highways are no place for a walkin' man.

Hopefully Soon This Room Will be Ready for Living

Hick switched his attention from the Bargain House kitchen to the living room last Wednesday. Once the refrigerator and stove had been moved into the kitchen, it was time to put flooring down in the living room. Hick always says "we" did it, but looks like Old Buddy is doing the work!

That's a good-looking floor. It would speak favorably to me if I was viewing the house with the purpose of purchasing it. I don't know where Hick got that spindly table that his saw is sitting on. It probably came with the house. I can't imagine him moving such a thing in there to work on. 

Hick says he plans to get new mini-blinds for the windows. He's not going all-out for window coverings in a property we are ready to sell. But the old blinds are doing it no favors.

On Thursday, the flooring was all down. Here's a view from the front door area, showing how the living room leads to the kitchen.

The living room still needs trim and receptacle covers, but is basically done. Hick has a little shoring-up work to do under the house, and maybe something in the half-basement. He says he's about ready to list Bargain House for sale, because he can do that work without interruption, even if an agent wants to show the house.

Sadly, our Realtor has retired! She called Hick to tell him. She said the young guy who was working with her is capable of handling the sale. I don't have a problem with that. He's helped Hick a couple times when Realtor was out of the office. I don't see any reason to go with another agency. Any realtor can show the house, just by contacting the office.

(Part 3) A Mystifying Development in the Case of Rumpushole vs Rumpushole

News flash! There IS no honor among rumpusholes! But you probably knew that already.

Hick had in writing (or at least in a text message) the confirmation from Sonny of a property deal. Sonny is the son of Business Owner who has been using HIS LAND for part of a driveway while Hick pays the taxes. The agreement was that Business Owner would pay Hick $1200 for a quit-claim deed to HIS LAND next week in exchange for Hick NOT objecting that evening to a request for a variance to use other properties along the back for another driveway.

Hick followed through with his part of the deal. He went to the variance meeting, and stated that he had reached an agreement with Business Owner, and had no objection to the proposed variance.

The next day, Hick got a text. By way of Sonny, because Business Owner apparently can't be a man and deal directly with Hick (that's MY opinion). This text said that Business Owner wanted a title search, not just a quit-claim deed.

Well, the joke is on Business Owner, because Hick had already decided to have a title company handle the paperwork, and the gal there told him it's actually $15 cheaper to include a title search rather than just the deed. AND Business Owner had said he would pay half to get the title search. Which will cost $300. So now that's another $150 going into Hick's pocket from the sale of HIS LAND.

That's a good thing. Though it's not the deal that was struck at the 11th hour to shut Hick's objecting mouth.

But here's another mystifying development! Hick found out that the other pieces of land that got notices about the variance hearing were all ALREADY OWNED BY BUSINESS OWNER! Whether he had purchased them initially, or through the years, we don't know.

Hick was THE LONE OBSTACLE STANDING IN THE WAY OF THE VARIANCE!

If Hick had objected, even though HIS LAND was not in the area that needed variancing... Business Owner would have been denied. I don't know what effect that might have had on his business. Maybe he would have put in another driveway anyhow, as he did over Hick's land. Maybe nothing would have happened.

It seems to me that Business Owner got to looking into the legality of things after telling Hick to go eff himself because he wasn't going to buy HIS LAND back in June.

It would please Rumpushole Hick to no end, thinking that he's been living rent-free in Business Owner's head for the past six months.

(Part 2) A Mystifying Development in the Case of Rumpushole vs Rumpushole

Hick received the confirmation text within minutes, from the son of Business Owner regarding the purchase of HIS LAND in exchange for keeping his objections to himself at the variance meeting.

"This whole thing seems fishy! How would they know you were going to object to their variance request? Somebody at the city tipped them off! Probably to get back at YOU. Nowhere on that letter did it say you had to notify anybody that you had an objection. It was just a notice of the date and time of the meeting, so you could attend and give your input there. Either your buddy the building inspector called him, or that secretary has it out for you! She's probably the one you kept complaining to all those times about Business Guy's sign and driveway, and The Pony's notice for nuisance weeds, and the trash complaint about tea bottles somebody threw out on the vacant lot."

"She WAS the same one! And Sonny said she's the one who called. So that's not a secret. But maybe the building inspector told her to call."

"In any case, I don't think that's part of the process. They were tipping off Business Owner."

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure they were going to deny the variance if there were any objections. So she called to let him know, and that's why he changed his mind about buying MY LAND a couple hours before the variance meeting."

"Basically, he bought your silence for $1200, heh, heh! Not that there's anything wrong with that. I'll be glad that it's settled, and we don't pay taxes on it for him to use. But the timing sure is funny."

"I was just telling my buddy at lunch at the Senior Center. 'I'm finally getting my chance to stick it to Business Owner.' He said, 'How's that?' And I said the guy's name, and how I was going to make a statement at the variance meeting about how he's been using MY LAND while I'm paying taxes on it. And my buddy said, 'Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. He's really a nice guy.'"

"So YOU'RE the big rumpushole, because you object to a nice guy making a profit in his business that is using YOUR LAND for free, for his driveway, and wouldn't consider buying it from you."

"Apparently so! I'm not asking for a fortune. That $1200 isn't going to make or break us. And it's just a drop in the bucket for him. But I'm the bad guy!"

________________________________________________________________

Hick went to the meeting. He saw his boss from the apartments, who happens to be on the board. And a couple other people he knows. He got there about 10 minutes early. All the chairs were arranged around a table for the board. Hick dragged another chair over, to sit behind the people he knew. The (traitorous) secretary was there. 

"She smiled real big, and apologized to me for having to move my own chair. I announced that I had reached an agreement with Business Owner, and that I had no objections to his proposed variance, and then I left."

"That's it? How will they know you kept your part of the deal?"

"It will have to be in the minutes of the meeting. I've been thinking it over, and I'm going by the title office to ask how much they'll charge to write up the paperwork. I'd just as soon do that as risk anything going wrong. I think they charged us $300 when they did it for one of our other properties. So that's worth it to me."

I hope everything goes right with this deal. It will prove that there is honor among rumpusholes.

A Mystifying Development in the Case of Rumpushole vs Rumpushole (1)

Hick left home Thursday morning with plans to work on Bargain House, pay some bills in person for assorted insurances, and work in his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5). Then he was going to that variance meeting at 6:00, about the guy who is using HIS LAND as a driveway for his business. The city building inspector had returned Hick's call on Wednesday, and confirmed that he did indeed have a right to make a statement at the variance meeting.

I cautioned Hick not to be too much of a rumpushole, and get arrested. "I don't know how to bail you out. So don't get carried away and locked up."

Hick assured me that he wouldn't.

"You know that guy is going to be fuming. And he'll deny that he told you to go eff yourself when you offered to sell him YOUR LAND."

"I don't care. I want it on record that he's using MY LAND, and I'm still paying the taxes."

"Just say that you know the city probably can't resolve YOUR problem, but that you think it isn't fair that this guy is making money with a business that is using the property of other people, giving them no compensation. That should sound reasonable. And it's the facts."

"I won't get in no trouble. That guy probably ain't even gonna show up."

"I bet he will! You showed up for your variance hearing. Not that it did any good."

_________________________________________________________

Anyhoo... Thursday at 4:20, I got a call from Hick that changed everything!

"I just got a call from Business Guy's son. Sonny said that Business Guy won't be at the variance meeting, because he's in Florida. And that Sonny told him HE can't go either. Sonny said, 'I'm just the middle man. Dad said to call you. The secretary at the city called us about the variance meeting, and said you were going to be there. And she said you would probably be open to selling your property.'

I told Sonny, yeah, that I had offered to sell it to his dad, and he basically told me I was crazy, that wasn't happening, and I could go eff myself.

Sonny said, 'Dad's not a bad guy. You two just got on the wrong side of each other. He talked to a lawyer about it to see what rights he had. I told him, Dad, why not just buy it and be done with it? Because we could spend a lot more money on a lawyer fighting it. So he said for me to talk to you and see what you want.'

I said that I originally asked for $1200-$1500. I've gotta get back the taxes I paid on it for 35 years, and what I paid for it. And I think it's fair if I make a few hundred dollars profit. That's what people do when they invest in land. I told Sonny that I'd take $1200. I ain't tryin' to cheat anybody.

Sonny said that if I'd agree not to object to the variance, and give him a quit-claim deed next week, they'll pay me $1200 for MY LAND. I said that's a deal. As long as he sent me a text stating to those conditions, so I had proof of the agreement."

TO BE CONTINUED...

Another Inkling of Hope for Civilization

I went in 10Box on Wednesday. I try not to go there on that day, because it's when ads come out. All the handicap spaces, and those regular spaces along the front of the store, were taken. So I parked out in the lot to wait for someone to leave. I was next to a cart return that held two carts. As I was contemplating using one as a cart/walker, and just staying there, an employee came over and took the carts. Nope! I was not going to walk unaided across that lot, and halfway across the store to their inside cart corral.

Within five minutes, a guy came out. He looked pretty able-bodied to me, but DID have a handicap plate on his car. He stowed away his groceries in the back seat. Pushed his cart up against the front of the store. Greeted his woman who came out with nothing in her hands but a purse. Then they got in the car and backed out. You can bet I had T-Hoe revved up to go get that space.

I rushed to perch my glasses on my head and get out. I was so afraid some do-gooder was going to grab that cart before I could get to it! An older woman walked past it. And then a young couple. I nabbed that cart and headed inside. Where it was indeed crowded. I had to wait for a looky-loo to finally move past the lemons. Her cart blocked the whole aisle, and had to go out of my way around the onion/potato bins to get there. Huh. Lemons were 48 cents apiece. While limes were 10 cents. I got 10 limes. They go well with Shasta Zero Sugar Cola, too. Of course I had to backtrack to find a bag. I also grabbed a pack of shredded slaw mix from the cooler. 

One aisle over, I picked up a box of Maple Brown Sugar Instant Oatmeal. And a box of strawberry protein bars for Hick. That was it. I had four items. Well. If you count the bag of 10 limes as one item. Which I do.

Only two checkers were open. One had just finished with an old guy in a beeper cart. He was slowly putting his stuff in bags. There there was a guy with a full cart, and a lady with a 3/4 full cart. I was directly behind her, but down an aisle. People coming from my right, across the main aisle, couldn't really see that I was waiting, though I could see them. They might have thought I was just shopping. Or waiting for room to pull out and continue through the store. Two of them stopped. I guess they were putting themselves in line. 

So I turned my attention to the next line, a bit to my left. Still three customers ahead of me. With partially full carts. I pointed my cart/walker in that line. An older lady coming across from the left saw me. She wheeled her cart down my aisle and got behind me. Then a 40-something good ol' boy in jean shorts (it was 66 degrees on Jan 7!) and a baseball cap, with a full cart, wheeled up to the side. Like he was just waiting there for his turn after us.

One of the managers came up and opened a third register. "I can take someone over here!"

Good Ol' Boy was in that line like he had been shot out of a cannon! Ain't that the way it always goes? The last person in line becomes first when a new line opens! The people already in the other lines made no move to go over there. To be fair, they did not have a clear path, and seemed satisfied that they had staked out their "almost-next" positions. 

Older Lady behind me said, "Do you want to go?"

"No. You can go ahead."

She only had one item in her cart. A big bag of birdseed.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm fine."

Older Lady got behind Good Ol' Boy. I wheeled up behind her.

"Oh, no. I feel bad. You were ahead of me!"

"It's okay. You have less items. I'm fine with it."

Such a sweet lady. Willing to wait with her birdseed for me to take my rightful place in line with my four items. As for Good Ol' Boy... I'm not sure there's hope for humanity if he rules the world. His behavior did not surprise me at all.

Bargain House Kitchen is ALMOST Done

Each day (well, three hours of each day, four days a week) brings the Bargain House kitchen closer to completion. You may recall that Hick was waiting on a box of flooring because he ran out.

There's the part he put down, which matches what he put above the cabinets.

While waiting on the flooring, Hick experimented with the door trim. At first it was going to be white, but he sent this sample, asking what I thought of black:

I like it! So the door trim will (eventually) be black.

The overhead light has been installed:

Hick said it had several settings, and he put it on the brightest. It's an attractive light.

Meanwhile, the stove and refrigerator are now in place:

The kitchen door is still lacking trim, because Hick has to get more trim boards. But the flooring is done, so there's that.

My opinion is that the kitchen will be what sells the house. Hick thinks it will be the small bathroom, with the corner shower, because it gives the house two bathrooms.